I, Me and Her

Me : I've got to tell her!
Soliloquy : No, Shruti, you can't! She likes him, they're making plans for the future! She'll hate you forever!
Me : But I have a really bad feeling 'bout this person. Something feels off! I'm her friend, she values my opinions, doesn't she? She won't mind. RIGHT?
Soliloquy : But at the moment, he's her life. She's not going to be very pleased if you ruin her life.
Me : BUT, somethings gotta' give! So not her. So not worth her. I'm not feeling good about this! I'll tell her!
Soliloquy : No, no. Do you want her in your life forever? Or however friendships last?
Me : IF we're friends, she won't grudge me for this, right? Her parents will freak! Long time plans! I don't all of this to blow up in her face!
Soliloquy : Love, or whatever it is doesn't make you see sense, you know that from experience, don't you. Let it. People need to learn. It's how they grow.
Me : But, I don't want her to get hurt!
Soliloquy : GROWTH. You can be there for her, if and when it does.
For now, let it go.


SHOULD I?

To The Dude Upstairs.

Dear God,

It's been a while since we had one of these chats, eh? Okay, well, I do most of the talking and you do the listening, but it's not a monologue, is it now?
So, the last time I spoke to you was during my board exams. For which I thank you with every fiber of my being. I also have to thank you for NIFT, and Symbiosis. And maybe La Salle too. Really, thank you. I love you, dude. I really do.

BUT (You were waiting for this weren't ya'?) as any human being; who constantly has needs and wants. You know, wants are unlimited and all, like I learnt in Economics, I still want to ask you not exactly for, but about something.
So, Let me get to the point. How long am I going to wait till some sucker takes notice of me and actually thinks I'm worth a shot? (please forgive the language)
I mean, it's been forever, for crying out loud!
Every DECENT boy is either, taken, full of crap, scared by me or isn't interested. I mean, that DOES tamper with a girls self esteem, y'know. Especially if the girl is ME - y'know? Very FRAGILE self esteem.
And, if anyone else is going to say things like "All in good time" or something along those lines, I. Will. Throw. My. Smelly. Gym. Socks. At. Them.
I vow to do so.
And NO, I will not kiss a frog like my mother asked me too.

ANYWAY, back to the point.
Just let me know I'm not going to die as an old cranky and lonely lady that kids pretend is one of McBeth's witches. Which is probably what people think of me now, 'cept the "old" part.
I'm cranky.
I'm difficult.
I'm incredible needy.
I'm stubborn.
I'm obsessive.
I'm insecure.
I get that, but if they can't appreciate me at my worst, why in heaven's name should they see me at my very best?
Okay, anyway, this is just a little rant. I'm desperately hanging on to every thread of hope I get, and, I don't know how much longer I can hold on.
So, please send along a nice, sweet lad for me, will ya?

Thank you so much for listening, dude.
(is the dude part an overkill? Nah, it isn't. You're right).

Much love and in need of therapy,
Your very own,
Shrutilaya the soon to be Designer. (EEEP!)

P.S. NIFT Delhi, I need to get DELHI.
Thanks again!

EEEEP!

So, I got into NIFT. = D

And, my All India Rank is 118. = )

Dreams DO come true. This one here is TEN years old. I'm 17.
I've been wanting this since I was 7. And I got it.
..Now, people keep your fingers crossed and hope I can get NIFT DELHI.
DREAMS SO TOTALLY COME TRUE!

So, YAY.

P.S. Now, if only I could make Adam Lambert like girls, only for me. *sigh*

The Unfortunate Three.

My friend and I had this huge discussion the other day.
We realized something funny.

All the good looking, nice and sweet guys are -
1) Married/Taken.
2) Gay
3) Heartbroken.

Don't agree?
Just take the American Idol Top 3, for example.
1) Kris Allen
2) Adam Lambert
3) Danny Gokey.

Married. Gay. Taken.

Doesn't that prove out point? Yeah, it does.

We rest our case. = )

I will support Adam Lambert till death do us apart!
ADAM LAMBERT <3

L.E.T.T.E.R.S.

Do lyrics ever speak to you?
Do they save you?
When you're hurt and feel like life just isn't worth it?
When all you want to do is forget, listening to a song, or read a book, about a similar situation, doesn't that help you? Give you perspective whenever no one else seems to be able to make you see light?

Can one song change your life?
Can one text change your life?

I believe it can.

"Make a wish and place it in your heart.
Anything you want.
Everything you want.

Do you have it?
Good.
Now believe it can come true.

You never know where the next miracle is going to come from, the next smile, the next wish come true.
But if you believe that it's right around the corner and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it,
To the certainty of it,
You just might get the thing your wishing for.

The world is full of magic.
You just have to believe in it.

So make your wish.
Do you have it?
Good.

Now believe in it...with all your heart."

- One Tree Hill.

Alber Camus once wrote, 'Blessed are the hearts that can bend, they shall never be broken.' But i wonder... if there's no breaking, then there's no healing. And if there's no healing, then there's no learning. And if there's no learning, then there's no struggle. But the struggle is a part of life. So, must all hearts be broken?

- Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill.

You have NO idea how much that helps me. EVERYTIME I read it.
It helps me believe my dreams. I believe. I hope. I pray. I wish.
I know my dreams will come true.

Struggle, pain, hate, love and happiness are a part of life.
It keeps it interesting.


All I'm saying is.. Words can make you or break you.
I hope all of you choose to make someone rather than break them.

Uncomfortably Numb

Now, this is fashion.

When I walk down the street. I shudder. Laugh out loud. Sometimes point and even take pictures.
Local girls and boys. They can make an aspiring fashion designer want to stick two very sharp objects into each of her eyes in order to prevent herself from the sight of those clothes.
Acid washed jeans, Tight shirts and T-shirts with fake names, frills everywhere. Shiny polka dots. Shrugs that look very much like scarps of clothing attached together. Flare. Bling. LIPSTICK. Powdered faces that make them look grey. It's too much to take in, I tell you.
Why do you want to dress like this if you aren't comfortable in what you're wearing?
Why do you want to make a mockery of yourself?
It hurts my eyes.

We point, we stare. We take pictures and humiliate them, and they don't even know it. Sometimes, I feel like I'm a total bitch for doing that, but when you decide to go out looking like that, you should probably expect that!

When I went for my NIFT situation test. There were a few girls in particular, who stood out amongst the millions lot of shorts, tee's, jeans and kurties.

Glare ladies daughter - Flared green acid wash jeans. Black top. With puff sleeves with gold polka dots. Ruffles from the waist to hip, in the same black and gold dotted material. Black very old fake leather high heels. Dark brown lipstick and bindi.
Many of the NIFT seniors who were there were smirking openly, and her mother yelled at everyone. She was finally told to "eff off". = \

ATIT-dude girl - Her top with attached shrug with many holes said that. I am not kidding.

Dress girl - Situation test. She wears a strapless red dress with matching shoes and a hair band. Oh, did I mention the shrug that went along with it, in the same material with lace edging? Oh, and lace leggings. And tiny polka dots.

These were the top three.
Yes, they stood out and that's what fashion is all about. being different, expressing yourself. but, this. is. not. how. you. dress. to. an. EXAM.

I'm just trying not to think about how they'd dress to college, on a daily basis.
Unfortunately. IF you are really good with clothes and material and dressing and fashion and hope to do well in that industry, I think your clothes need to reflect it.

Moreover, those who dress so horribly in the streets, try not following trends. Try being comfortable in what you're wearing, rather than just doing something because your classmate or favorite actress is, it'll help.

And it'll give my friends and I some peace of mind.
Not to mention sanity.

Thank you for reading this.

TATA.

='(

You people have forgotten about the rain dancer.

*cries*

Time after time.

First her, now her.

HER TOO?
You've got to be kidding me!
You can't tell me that I'm at the bottom of that list!

..well, if I am. IT BETTER BE ONE SHORT LIST!

It's *MY* turn.

FINALLY - Guest Post - Deluded.

You ask for my number, but all you want is my dignity, isnt it you bass-turd!

welcome class, to your annual philosophy lecture.




I have a question.

suppose, that youre eating. just hanging out with your friends, one fine saturday night.

and, then while looking up from your bowl of talumein soup, you see an uncle, staring.

*staring.

*staring.

*stare.

how many of you girls have had this happen with you?

*all the girls of the class raise hands

and how many boys?

*a single lone hand comes up slowly.

yes, deluded. share with us, your experience.

umm. sir. Im not too comfortable speaking about it.......

hey, hey dont forget the deal we had, about the bournvilles *whispers

well, sir. the thing was. that me and my roommate, and another friend were eating. and when I looked up, there was this old man staring. at first I thought that that he was staring at the cute girl sitting next to me.

but but but it turned out, that he was staring at me.
AT ME!
AT MEEEEEEEE!

I smiled. he smiled back.
I stared to make him uncomfortable. he was more successful in that area.
*everyone shudders

hmm. and what did you do then beta?

I, I. I....I ate and then I got out of the restaurant.

and then...?

he, he tried to FOLLOW ME.

and what did you do?

I showed him the finger.
umm....I, then, I used my superior athleticism to run away.

*sobs and sits down

*everybody claps.

Swim or Drown.

When you're standing on the edge you don't look down, until you're ready and willing to fly.

Bon Jovi says it RIGHT.

Unfortunately for most of us, life doesn't care if we're ready, it just pushes us off the cliff and expects us to fly. Some learn the beauty of flying and the joy it brings, while others, learn about the long and scary path life takes you through while falling into the darkness below.

When I was 6, my grandmother pushed me into the deep end of the pool because I was too scared to go in by myself.
I began moving frantically, to prevent myself from - what I thought at that time - drowning. Anyway, that eventually helped me learn to swim.

Now, see.. all I'm saying is, I'm 17.
And whether I'm ready or not, life's going to make me jump, flying or swimming is upto me, and only me. I get that. Most people need that push to make something of themselves or they'll fall into what we call a monotonous life.

Why don't most people consider floating? Don't need to swim, or drown, just.. float and stare at those beautiful stars?
After all, only those who float will have time to THINK.
The others? They'll either be too busy trying to get ahead, or stop themselves from well, dying.
Why does everything we do have to be forced?
Why can't we sometimes take the less traveled path?
Why is it so difficult for us to just wait, wait until something inside us tells us we're ready?

When you're ready, and trained and well, sure of yourself and what you hope you'll make of future, then, only then will you be able to find the balance between swimming and floating. Right?

Why does everything have to be a certain way. Why is it college immediately after school? Or a job after you've finished studying.
Why marriage just when you're stable?

Why not do something YOUR own way.
Leave your own footprint. Show the world that taking a risk CAN pay off.
I'm sure it will, 'cause if not anything else, you'll be appreciated for the courage you had in TAKING that risk.

So, I ask you again..
Is it so bad to do something different RATHER than doing the same things differently?