Hanging in there..

It's been over a month.. Actually, it's been one month and 4 days. I didn't realise it until last night. I've been single for more than a month now. A lot of changes, some I didn't really want or ask for, a lot of getting use to.. a lot of sadness, late nights spent crying, a lot of calls to friends at 3 a.m in the morning, a lot of hatred, a lot of self-loathing.
Tons and TONS of regret, tears and sickness.

I will not forget, I will not forget.
Hot this felt with you six months ago, I know.
I can not forget, I cannot forget
I'm falling into memories of you.
Things we use to do
Follow me there, a beautiful somwhere
A place that I can share, with you.

This has been one of the worst months of my life.. I got through it only 'cause of my friends and family. What wasn't meant to be, wasn't meant to be. Life goes on..
Surprisingly, that piercing pain that I use feel when I thought about those six months or anything related to that part of my life, is slowly fading.. You don't really get love everywhere, and I guess I just looked in the wrong place.

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

It's been a month and 4 days since I listened to "Hey There Delilah" or ANY of the songs on that play list, somehow, today.. I had the courage to actually open that play list and listen to that song.
I'll admit, my eyes went all teary, and I felt the same things I felt about a month ago, all over again.
But, you know what? The pains gone.. the feelings and emotions remain, but the pains gone.. well, almost gone. I'm all ready and set for 2008 with nothing stopping me.
I'm a free bird, I can go anywhere.. anywhere my life takes me and to whomever it takes me to.
It's 1:12 in the morning and today's the last day of 2007.
I'm feeling a bit woozy and emotional 'cause of the music playing, but I'm okay.
I don't feel like crying or dying.. I'm not numb either. I'm still ME. The same ME, that I was over seven months ago, only a wiser me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without youMore than you,
more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Someone who'll never again be so naive again, someone who'll never think about the future, someone who won't trust ANYone so easily again. Someone who WILL NOT let herself get hurt ever again.
I'm okay now.. I'm pretty happy.. I'm hanging in there.
Happy 2008, good luck with it. =)

What goes around.. comes back around.

Yes, it's the 27Th.. there are hardly a few days before 2007 ends. This year has shown me both the good, the bad, the painful and the down-right ugly.
I've witnessed both heaven and hell. Laughter and tears.
Turning fifteen, finishing my boards, passing maths.. Leaving Good Shepherd, leaving back 12 years of friendship, good and bad times.. Joining Lady Andal, making new friends, getting use to the new environment, experiencing life in a normal school. Having fun with my friends.. studying and actually wanting to go to school. Spending most of my time with my friends.. Falling in love, falling out of love, feeling like shit.. becoming a reclusive pain, slowly becoming myself again.
Exploring new music.. finding my best friend in my sister. =).
EVERYthing that could possible happen in a normal teenagers life, happened to me in just one year.. MY special year.. 2007. =)
I can't believe this one year just flew past they way this one did. I'm going to miss it real bad. Another year will soon begin, it'll end.. that's the circle of life.
I've experiences many emotions this year.. I think I really have grown emotionally.
Life is not as easy as we thought, it's not fair either.
Look at the plus point and ignore the minus.

..Losing someone you love is probably the worst pain one can go through. I know that from personal experience. But they do have friends and family to support them. They don't need pity, just support from all of us. Their strong people, they'll get through this, they will. It's part of the many things life will through at us, making us stronger and better human beings. (those of you know who know me well, will know who I'm referring too).
What about now, what about today?
What if your making me, all that I was meant to be
Before it's too late, what about now?
We're always supposed to learn from things. Hopefully, I've learnt the lessons I need and was meant to learn this year. If I've done what I was meant to do this year.. it was a good year, indeed.
Another year, another beginning.. another set of experiences.
Happy 2008. =)

And, all the very best for the new year. =)

Dacing with a football player.

Yes, you are allowed to mock me after reading the title. Yes, I am supposed to dancing with Viren at his brother's engagement like party. WHY I'm doing this, is beyond me.
We're dancing to "Woh ladki hai kahan". To start it all off, Viren's dancing skills are pathetic. He insists on shoving his arms and legs into my face. And kicking, seriously, we're dancing, NOT playing football, Neriv.
Speaking of Neriv, he was VERY fascinated by my pattiyalas today.. he kept looking at them and then pulling me around the shop with 'em saying "Come doggie, come".
Yes, back to Sunday. I'm wearing a saree.. *does happy dance*. I tried on a saree for the first time a few days ago, and it fell, I honestly amn't lady enough to be able to carry that off. HELP.
Somehow, every time we "practise", yes we do practise. He ends up kicking me or stepping on my poor li'l toes. Yes 5"11 something steps on 5"3 nothing. Geez. I have purple toes. To add to the colour I waxed today.. leaving me pink, spotty and itchy.
Bah, I'm in no mood to blog today. Forgive me if I'm absent minded.
The weather's nice, by the way.. it's raining and we got 2 extra holidays..
Romantic, even, you can call it, if you like. =)
It's just the time of year when you wanna' just hug someone and go to sleep.. or drink a cup of hot chocolate.. But, NO. I have to dance with my best friend. WHO CAN'T DANCE!
I'm wearing a Saree above it all, a sareeee!
I've never danced with a guy before, but dancing with jokerboi. Oh, joy.
Oh, sheesh. God save me. Please?
Speaking of which, what is this pathetic song I'm listening to? Ooo, Call Me When Your Sober, by some weird person. It's such a nice song, but this persons ruined it. *Grrr*
My phone is black and silver with a very pwetty red and black screensaver.
T.J is so cute. I love her. her battery life sucks, though.
Swati's calling me now, whoo! Why am I so happyyy? I'm meeting my GoodShe friends tomorrow!
This blog is so random, I can kill myself.. No, I won't.
okay, I have *officially* lost it.
Toodles.

Busy buddies.

Do you ever get the feeling that your always there for someone when they need you, but they are NEVER there for you? When your friend starts dating someone, that someone becomes their life and nothing/no one else seems matter? WhenEVER you call them, they seem to be busy and promise to call you back, but never do, when they ARE with you, they only talk about that someone? Does that make you feel lonely?
Why wasn't I like that? I ALWAYS put my friends needs before mine. Whenever they have a problem, I drop everything for them, help them out.. Why won't anyone do that for me? A week ago, I lost my only single friend to a dimwit whose sweet and really likes her, I'm happy for her, but.. it's just me now. I, me and myself. I'm just feeling completely unwanted.
I don't dislike them for dating people, I just wish that they didn't completely ignore me and my issues, like I never did them.
I really REALLY love my friends, I just miss them, that's all.. They seem to be too wrapped up in their own lives to care about me now. I know what I'm feeling is only temporary and all that bullshit, but it hurts. I feel empty.
I don't really have anyone to talk to..
My mom's busy.. Meatball is in Delhi. Nothing makes me feel very good anymore. I've been blogging about how lucky I was to have such great friends, I am, but they just forget me sometimes.
I'm sorta' happy this years ending. There have loads of awesome times, but the ending was pretty pathetic for me, so, I'm really looking forward to a new year, new beginning.
The following is for my bestEST friends.. 'cause they rest of you won't get it.
You never know, hopefully, what y'all and I wish might just come true.. let's just keep hoping and praying, alright? Cause we're both.. "Shhooo cute" no? =)

Where did I go wrong,
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

It very much IS personal.

I hope you know, I hope you know.
It's personal, myself and I.
I'm gonna' miss you like a child misses it's blanket.
But, I've got to get a move on..
It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry.

Yes, indeed, I am going to stop now, it's about time. I need to be a big girl now. I need to stop wallowing and get a grip o'myself. I did exist before the past six months, didn't I? Probably not the most happy but I was okay.. I should stop shutting my friends and family out of my life. I should.. well.. "Move On". Oh well.
Is it weird that I blog the most during my exams? it's an escape for me, I guess. But it's just strange, when I don't have exams, I have time, but I never blog.. 'cause I never seem to be able to find time. Now, somehow I have time.
I'm so busy with my friends now. You know, when I was in GS, I use to watch TV shows and wish that my life with my friends was like them, you know.. hanging out and just spending time with each other. see, my problem at GS was, most of my friends had very protective parents who wouldn't let them and still don't let them go out very often, IF they did, it had to be with an adult, no meeting each other more than once a month and such like. Whereas here, we seem to be joint a the hip. We're always with each other. yesterday, school got over at 10 for us, we all went to Isabella's place.. it was Isi, Swati, Viren and Me.. Leena joined us later, Swati and Viren were in one corner together, doing their thing. =) The rest of us were just talking, playing music, throwing stuff at each other.. just having fun. We took MAN Y crazy pictures. For those of you who are my friends on Face book, y'all can see them.
it was the first time I've smiled in a week. It was nice. It IS nice, to see how much my friends care about my well-being. I have the bestEST group of friends EVER. Like my lesson says, maybe I should focus on the 90% of my life which is right and ignore that 10%, pretend like it and it's cause doesn't exist. You know, MAYBE that'll help me. Just maybe.
I have so much to be happy for, Tikka, my friends and family, a school that actually cares. A career ahead of me, that looks like it just MIGHT be a good one.
I really need to stop being a "glass half empty" person. I said that yesterday, during my speech for EC. I was talking about the Tsunami and how we survived it. It was the first time I was talking about it, really. I tried to avoid it.. as much as I could. I thought it would be difficult, it wasn't. it's like it never happened, and I, the usually negative being.. I was so happy during the entire thing, I surprised myself. I should be more like that. I should.
So, we broke-up.
I need to get over it. It'll never be *us* again.
We probably were just not meant to be.
That's life, ain't it? Nothing is ever fair, I must learn to DEAL with it.
That's how it is.
Might as well accept it, rather than making myself and everyone miserable.
Another chapter in my life that I'll probably have to close.

The END.